Thank you for signing up and staying connected! Here is your Mini Guide:
5 ESSENTIAL WAYS TO INCREASE INTIMACY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
Definition of intimacy: A close familiarity or friendship. A closeness encompassing a strong emotional, psychological, spiritual and physical connection.
Intimacy is usually very strong at the beginning of any new relationship. We are deeply attracted, even intoxicated with the other person. Intimacy of this kind is the height of romance and fantasy. We think of this person day and night and can’t seem to get enough of them. We are interested in everything they do and say and can’t seem to get enough of them.
So what happens over time? Well our lives are incredibly complex. Inevitably, most of us get caught up in the busyness of everyday living and begin settling into complacent routines, this often leads to taking your partner for granted.
Although maintaining intimacy may be a lot more work as time goes on, it’s an essential piece to every relationship and should be considered an absolute necessity. Even while life feels so full and busy already and we often feel tired and depleted from all of life’s commitments and demands we must continue to place value on the intimacy in our relationship. As with anything that is worth keeping and cultivating, if you don’t use it, you may lose it!
A study of heterosexual couples found that when there was more effort toward emotional harmony and intimacy by the man, the women felt more psychologically fulfilled leading to more sex.
Essential 5 Elements
Self love
Intimacy begins with you. You cannot be intimate with another if you are not first taking care of your own emotional stores. This involves focusing on self- care, positive self-talk and being your true authentic self. Your partner needs you at your best, not at your worst or on your last stretch of energy. If you are taking care of you, you are in a better place to put out the efforts needed for true intimacy.
When you bring yourself to and into a relationship, it is in your best interest to know yourself as fully as possible. Knowing how you communicate, which issues trigger strong emotions for you and what makes you feel connected is helpful. It is possible, but much harder to figure out yourself while in the middle of a relationship.
Communication
The gift of your full attention is a way to increase emotional intimacy in your relationship. When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention. Listen as if they were the most important person in your life; because they are! Yes, that means both partners should make time to put the phones down. If you’re going to stay together for the long-term, you will both need to learn excellent communication skills to increase the emotional intimacy of your relationship. This is true for both expressing yourself emotionally and listening intently.
A part of intimacy is in understanding, prioritizing, and honoring the way your partner receives love. We all have different ways of feeling and receiving love. Take the Love Languages quiz at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ and find out what yours is. Then have your partner take it and share theirs. Have you been speaking your partner's love language? We often treat our person in the way that WE want to be treated, but really, loving in a way that our partner values will deepen the intentional intimacy you create.
In a study of married partners, researchers found that the ability to communicate emotions, plays a large role in the intimacy process. Learning to express your feelings to your person is important for having emotional intimacy in your relationship. A good rule of thumb is to share what is working twice as much as you share what is not working in the relationship. Bottom line a strong willingness to talk to your person about anything and everything is a MUST. Neither one of you should be fearfull of broaching any topics –including and especially sex.
Intimacy
To feel true intimacy you must be able to trust that your partner is dependable and that they are going to protect and cherish your heart. In order to build emotional intimacy in your relationship, you must trust your partner wholeheartedly. Without trust there is only fear.
Words alone won’t increase intimacy. Although communication is important, you also must demonstrate your feelings with action. Back up your loving words with kisses, hugs, hand holding, and touch. These actions should not always lead to sex; in fact, they are sometimes more meaningful when they are executed as a way of sharing feelings and not just to get the other person to satisfy your needs. Be demonstrative and enhance the feeling of love between you and your person.
Be sure to create time together each day. This time needs to be totally separate from your daily life, careers, pets and children. This is time carved out to reconnect, relax and enjoy each other. A good routine is to try to wind down together at the end of the day. In the hustle and bustle of today even if this is only 20 minutes it helps foster intimacy.
Sex
While affection does not always have to lead to sex, it should as often as possible 😉. To generalize men tend to want to be closer or more intimate if they are having sex. Women want sex when emotional intimacy increases. So, having sex with one another on a consistent basis can help both partners get their needs met. Of course, couples that are having a fulfilling sex life tend to be happier and feel closer to one another.
Sorry to disappoint anyone who's wanting this information, but there really isn't a "normal" amount of sex to have when you're in a relationship, because there's no such thing as "normal" — especially when it comes to relationships. However, it is an amazing way to connect emotionally with your partner and time to truly focus on each other without other distractions. So just do it often to stay connected.
Self preservation
Once you enter into an intimate relationship you may not have as much down time as before. Sometimes this leads to not being able to do everything you personally want to do, but certainly you should be able to continue to explore yourself and your own personal interests. When this happens in an open, honest, and loving relationship both partners win. True intimacy allows you to continually rediscover yourself, while as a couple you discover life together in the fullest possible way.
Be accountable for your own emotional, physical and spiritual health. If you are only focused on the relationship then both your personal life and your relationship will suffer. Focus your energy on becoming your best self and you will have even better emotional intimacy in your relationship.
Please work on the 5 Essential Elements in your relationships.
Stay Connected
Mara
Mara Adelman is a Sexuality Coach and Physician Assistant
You can find out more about her on her website www.lovecoachmara.com
Questions email her at lovecoachmara@gmail.com
See more from her on her Youtube channel @lovecoachmara
Instagram-@lovecoachmara and Facebook-@lovecoachmara1